Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just saw a hot homeless man
I think I am morally bankrupt
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
