Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
