Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
