the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
