It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
