Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
