I must be too annoying 4 u.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
