You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
