i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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