Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
