The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
