Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
