This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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