I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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