Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can't turn off my feet"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
