i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
