I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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