remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
