Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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