Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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