I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
