and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I party with great urgency now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
