This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
