I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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