well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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