May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
