I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
