his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
