you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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