if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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