What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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