I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
