is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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