i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
