i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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