Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
