I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
