I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
