i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
