I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
