I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
