I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
