Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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