duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
