I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
