we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
