I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
