i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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