Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
