i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
